Let’s talk about eliminating the fear. Everyone encounters fear at some stage in their life, some more than others. Sadly, fear is one of the prevailing obstacles we face when it comes to reaching our goals. As much as we may blame other sources for delays in achieving our goals, it is often fear that steers us away from working towards our goals and ultimately leaves us abandoning our dreams. Fear cannot be truly eliminated but there are ways to manage it.
In this blog, we will explain the most common forms of fear and the various approaches to tackle it. The overall aim is that this will then push you closer to achieving your goals.
Problem #1: Fear vs Failure.
Have you ever found yourself saying things like I’ll lose the house, I’ll be embarrassed or I’ll let my family down? If the answer is yes, you’re catastrophising. Catastrophising is one of the main culprits of fearing failure. We often look ahead at what may happen, even if the possibility is extremely small and we blow it into a huge problem that then stops us in our tracks.
To banish the fear of failure, you must learn the difference between devastation and disappointment. Let’s be honest, very few outcomes are actually devastating. The only time devastation is genuinely appropriate is when life or health is at risk.
Solution (a): Eliminating the fear of failure is achieved by taking the time to envision the disastrous consequences you fear and then rationalise this. Once you have done this, you’ll soon realise how likely it is that this will materialise. Forcefully challenging your fears and talking to yourself out loud also helps to expel the feeling of fear and failure.
Solution (b): Another great solution that will help you to rationalise your fear of failure is to write down a list of everything in your life that didn’t turn out the way you imagined, but eventually it worked out for the best. This method will then allow you to see that your preconceptions are not always right.
Problem #2: Fear vs Success.
Fear has a great way of stopping us when we worry about what will happen if we get what we want. Hence, people tend to make mistakes when they’re close to reaching their goal. Preconceptions that we form during childhood or from our parents’ beliefs are where these types of fears arise. If you believe that successful people are highly obnoxious and self-centred, you’re probably falling victim to the fear of success.
Solution: Ask yourself what you could gain if you don’t succeed. Free time and responsibility are probably common answers. If you can identify the assumptions that underlie your thinking you may be able to categorise whether these are valid or not.
Problem #3: Fear vs Being Imperfect
Are you a perfectionist? If the answer is yes, you’re most likely to avoid pursuing an opportunity if you’re unsure whether you will excel. As a perfectionist, you’re probably going to lose out on learning and growing from mistakes. Both of these are key features of evolving and improving personally. Perfectionism is also a key hindrance in allowing you to delegate as you simply don’t trust anyone else to do the job correctly. Planning contingencies rather than taking action is a huge tell-tale sign that you’re paralyzed by perfectionism.
Solution (a): Eliminating the fear of being imperfect can be done by making it your mission to delegate a small task and remember not to mention if it’s not performed exceptionally. Practising imperfection regularly allows you to eventually become much more tolerant of your perfectionism.
Solution (b): Taking up a hobby that you like but don’t think you’d be very good at is also a great way to get out of the routine of constantly wanting to be perfect. For example, if you’re not good at coordination, try a hobby that heavily involves coordination and take the risk. Your confidence will grow as you learn and the fear of imperfection will no longer be as prominent.
Problem #4: Fear vs Disapproval.
A lot of us sadly struggle with the fear of being disliked by everyone. If you’re susceptible to this feeling, you’re bound to waste energy trying to satisfy people that aren’t very significant in your life. Spending so much time trying to please others is likely to make you postpone opportunities that could lead to you achieving your goals.
Solution (a): Always surround yourself with friends and family that are going to lift you when you’re down. Whenever you feel rejected or have similar feelings, make sure you’re turning to them, they’ll always remind you of what you’re doing correctly.
Top tip: Ensure you’re creating a team before you need it! Create a network where you are also giving to others so that your team is the ideal circle to boost you up and ultimately help you on your journey.
Solution (b): The ultimate ego booster is an ego file. Keep an ego file, full of letters and emails where people have complimented or thanked you. Whenever you’re looking for reassurance, look at your file.
Problem #5: Fear vs Change.
Change is a complicated process. Even when we expect change or want change, it can make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
Solution: Familiarity is key when going into any new situation. To help with fearing change, identify routines that will help you feel anchored and content, even if it’s just making a coffee in the morning. Try and then pick three anchors that make you feel comfortable and attempt to enact these every day no matter what.
Ultimate fear busters to start eliminating the fear.
- Take a leap of faith. Stop talking yourself out of opportunities and take the risk.
- Turn what-ifs into positives rather than negatives. We mostly focus on the scary unknowns that frighten us out of doing certain things, but there are always positives in anything. Make it your mission to be much more positive and see your fear levels go down.
- Keep your diary full. Make sure you’re building a network of contacts and be generous with your time. Building contacts and keeping them is a great safety net for when you require help.
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